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Patients, friends, and social acquaintances honestly discussed their perspectives on the perils, pitfalls, and pleasures of (what I like to term) "positive dating." Tom, a gay man in his fifties, found out about his HIV-positive status four months ago.

He says that his major fear concerning dating is that he will infect the other person.

My partner was lucky in that he didn't get the virus from me, but we went through a few tense months to see if he turned positive or not." Not all gay men who are HIV-positive are using condoms like José, nor are all HIV-positive heterosexual men and women. But then he calls me again in a few days and begs to see me.

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Dating's popularity seems to be a backlash from the carefree, promiscuous, and often anonymous sex days of the 1970s and 1980s.

During these periods of time the virus seemed to be spreading almost unchecked as a result of the permissive lifestyle led by many gay men.

Tom stated, "I would really prefer to date other men who are HIV-positive because it removes the fear I have of infecting the other person. Of course, I usually only practice safer sex, but there is still that fear." When researchers discovered that AIDS was caused by the HIV virus, guidelines for having safer sex were emphasized that reduced the risk of sexually transmitting the virus.

Using a condom in vaginal or anal intercourse was suggested as one of the main methods for avoiding transmitting the virus. José, a young, gay, Puerto Rican, HIV-positive male, stated, "Yeah, man, I use condoms, but I've had them break a few times. When he gets to be too much, I just send him home [the lover doesn't live with Ed].

In the 1990s, however, women, heterosexuals, and people of color have the fastest growing rates of infection.

The line of thinking about dating is that it might be the best way to explore and develop healthy relationships.

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