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Last week's fine follows the prosecution in 2004 of her husband's employer Thames Trains, which was ordered to pay £2million for systematic breaches of health and safety regulations.But for Kerry, the crucial message of the prosecutions was that the fault for the Paddington disaster lay with rail authorities, rather than with Michael, who was 31 when he died.

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I was half asleep but we shared a joke, then I heard the door slam and saw the lights of his car moving away.

I never saw him again.'Later, I got up with the boys as usual.

'But now I feel like I should have stood up for Michael much sooner.

You can't libel the dead, but you can libel his memory and for seven-and-a-half years he has had a stain against his name that has only now been cleared away.'But more than that, I am angry at Network Rail,' she adds.

As the widow of the train driver killed in the Paddington rail disaster of 1999, she has somehow managed the task of quietly grieving for the father of her children while seeing him vilified as the man responsible for a crash that claimed 30 other lives and injured 400.

Kerry struggled to reconcile her feelings for the man she knew as a cautious perfectionist with the public's perception of him as a man who blithely drove his three-coach commuter train through a red signal into the path of an oncoming express.

Last week, however, 35-year-old Kerry finally broke her silence after Network Rail, which took over responsibility for the rail network from Railtrack in 2002, was fined £4million after a court heard it had 'failed utterly in its responsibility to protect the health and safety of passengers in its care'.

She revealed that she is still deeply angry that Railtrack effectively tried to make a scapegoat of her husband - and harbours a deep guilt that she did not speak out in his defence earlier.

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